Stages of grief poems

For you, wherever you are 

I hoped you weren’t afraid 

When you were cast out into unconsciousness 

Like a satellite knocked off its course

(We all have to be eventually)

I hope gravity pulled you to a gilded gate

I hope that you weren’t as afraid 

As I am when I catch myself waning

Under fine aged compulsions 

Drink from the bottle ‘til it’s empty 

Carved yet another bloodied tally 

Haven’t crossed the line to your bedroom

Where the bed touched most every wall

Still chrysalis in dusty pink silk

Pills next to analog clocks 

Medical bullshit on the bedside

Morphine next to full water jugs 

Next to incoherent notes scribbled 

Written only a week before

Nonverbal – didn’t know if you could hear at all

Smaller than an acorn 

released from the largest oak tree crown 

Thinner than the baldest branch in winter 

Hair softer than the softest down 

Wednesday night 

Mark the day 

Anticipate rising to drop

The sun arches over

Pull your limbs up like roots

That had you bound to soil 

That wouldn’t nourish 

Now heaving with tumour

Gunpowder used up

Just a shell of the bullet 

I’d blown the dust off of your cut glass collection

And in all this time, it still hasn’t settled

You’d said to me 

“I’m gonna beat this” 

With such stubborn will 

That when I looked at you 

You only saw you 

Back in the reflection

I held your hand in mine

Cause I would choke if I spoke

And If I choked you would know 

so I didn’t 

And so 

Now people who had no reason to speak to me tell me they’re sorry 

You’re gone 

I’ll never see you again 

And that’s just how it is

On Losing grandparents

Can I say words at random

Like daisy chains or boughed path

The spongy split of river logs

The hospital bed whirring to rise 

The drip – drip – drip – of fluids in vein 

The lovers in the yellow glow of their date 

Can I say words that don’t make a difference?

Like Birthday cards or bald street dogs 

The red rising of pheasants from the tree

The quiet passing of days and months

The chaotic flurry-swarm of disrupted moths 

The dead promise of possibly, maybe 

White, electric chemotherapy 

Can I say words that make me sad?

Like the slackening of skin on dove bones 

The solid lakes that bed rest the swan 

The heavy sky dropping penny sized rain

The childhood song Alzheimer’s forgot 

I missed you before you were gone

Spring cleaning 

The palest stems of wax that’s dripped 

On the tops of yellow radiators

Dusted collections of crystal glass

Packed up in paper and boxes

Black mildew-freckled curtains 

Are lifted from their hooks 

Super-market flowers wilt

Before they start to bloom 

The cordless vacuum huffs

Uproots the trodden carpet 

They take pictures of the hallowed-out rooms 

We make it home ‘fore Spring has ended

Photo by Mateus Campos Felipe on Unsplash

18 thoughts on “Stages of grief poems

  1. Wow, BobbyFawn. Thank you for sharing these poems. I’ve read them all before, as you know, but bundling them into one under that that title, makes to journey all the more heartbreaking.

    D

    Like

      1. I’ve been there before and know what it’s like to pour your heart into something, and how it feels to know that someone appreciates those words you wrote with your tears. . .

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s