Dollhouse Through the Fisheye

It’s hard for me to remember, 

But I can start with what I know

Bleaching mould stains on the wall

That trickle down from our roof split open

That grow darker every Winter

Get darker every rainfall

Dad’s gotta get a ladder up there

Patch up some shingles before the Summer ends

Before we’re flushed like termites and the roaches

When the hose is forced inside the mouth

The smell of your skin in the shower’s splutter

When you’ve terrapin-basked too long in the sun

Your skin like the pavement in the backyard

Wheezing for some heaven-sent water

Childhood’s an unfocused lens,

Mirror’s fogged, vines choke the trunk,

Clock hands seized up a long time ago, 

This stays in the ground, this stays intercepted, 

Light through the door slashed across my face

Watching you padding down the hallway

Teddy robes and darkened footprints 

Trail from the shower to your bed frame

Old, discoloured bathroom mirrors 

Now more blackness than refraction

Mother screaming you’d buried her keys 

And painted another bedroom mural

The faucet surging and gurgling down 

Water vomits over the sides as you heave her body

Into the tub by the threads of her clothes 

You watch me lock my door— slowly

Playing dollhouse while the walls shake 

Stuffing socks and underwear under the door frame 

Dragged a chair to hold up against it 

Made myself small-

Made myself a termite 

Muscle twitching in the evening 

At night I hear the water dripping 

Smell the pavement wake up to drink it

And put a towel by the wall

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Guts

Evils inherent 

That darken doorways at 2am

That kept kids up at bedtime 

Begged the nightlight til age 10

Evils inherent 

Bury the cemeteries in earnest

Cut our diamonds routinely 

Unscrew sharpeners 

Berry blood beading

Resting cleanly on the surface

Evils inherent 

Shackle our ability 

To see what you see while cloud gazing 

Shackle our chemistry

Settle – stagnate accordingly 

These guts fall out 

Strip yourself of your clothes 

Kick shedding to the floor

Pull back fat, Peel off skin

The wetness and heavy 

Hits wood with a splattering

Tender tendon, muscles screaming

Blue veins balled up, leaking 

like angel hair noodles

From lunchtime binge eating 

Retreat to cocoon shells

Discarded and dry 

Put your wetness inside 

Meat still on the bone like

You’ve been eaten alive

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Summer Child

A season ticks over

Severed heads of clover are exposed nerves of teeth 

Cut/ Slice/ divide/ peaches for the pies 

Sweet sunlit child 

Puke your guts up at night 

Make empty 

Feel whole 

Feel worthy

Feel warm 

Summer evaporated a stagnant pool 

She blots away colour with her rose-tinted bleach

Skin blends with the blue-pink, Barbie bedsheets 

Unstick- disconnect- pull away like snail spit

Put on ointment, Aloe Vera, for sun damaged leaves 

It’s 4-

Hugging knees back and forth 

Skin degrading off the face of an old rocking horse 

Baths for dolls, where inside, the blackest mould grows 

Stuffed bears next to beds, standing like soldiers

Clovers 

A stray Tomcat 

Sunning his spots 

Ladybugs bouncing

Under sprinklers

Showering plant pots

Photo by Ahmed Zayan on Unsplash